Something I wrote sometime back, of course didn’t post. Here I am, here we are.

You ever look at a picture of yourself and see a stranger in the background? It makes you wonder how many strangers have pictures of you, how many moments of other peoples lives have we been in, were we a part of someone’s life when their dreams came true, or were we there when their dreams died. Did we keep trying to get in, as if we were somehow destined to be there, or did the shot take us by surprise. Just think, you could be a big part of someone else’s life, and not even know it.

Sometimes I feel I am the most emotional, wanna-be-loved, cry baby ever born on this planet. Wat the hell, I am sure I have a lot of competition out there.

I have been awfully silent for quite some time now, refusing the drinks, even the smokes*. One who always believed in making spontaneous decisions, without bothering to measure himself against the opportunity, now rests, thinking, puzzled by the nothingness. It’s not the sadness, definitely not the regrets, but the sense of loneliness and all the staring at the fan while falling asleep every single night.

Tennessee Williams once wrote, “When so many are lonely as seem to be lonely, it would be an inexcusably selfish to be lonely alone.”

I have had my share of being alone (that’s not loneliness), all the free time, being myself, thinking about anything and everything. One might think staying alone can turn into a habit, but it’s not one of those things which grows on you, but, loneliness is. The beauty of being lonely is it has nothing to do with other people, even if they are lonely too.

E.E. Cummings once wrote, ‘Be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best night and day to make you everybody else. It means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight and never stop fighting.’

It’s always the surroundings. Things you like, love, hate, betray, enjoy, envy, not just that, even the things which make you love or hate, enjoy or suffer. Brain hurts the heart, laying all those paths of possibilities, the ones you always thought are not meant for you and questioning the ones you took with all your heart or may I say brain?

I came across someone, energetic, funny, straightforward, worst of all, sounds/thinks like myself – as 3 years ago and then I just wondered for a while, for a lot of while. The way they define a stranger, its hard to find one.

I have always found happiness in tiny goals and great friends. I have not run out of happYness or friends or love, I am not going all crazy crazy, I am just going through this thing called “relatively unhappy”. I have had a great set of people around me always and growing, but sometimes and somethings tend to leave me alone, for good, for great, I suppose. I am an extremist, thinking out loud, acting out loud and I can go far enough to say, its not bad to feel sad, alone, you v/s the world for a little part of your life, to reminisce the rest.

I am making some promises to self, good ones. I could have done it earlier, but I never thought about them, well seriously enough.  Its not so much about making the promises but the reasons which led to it. Just to be grateful, say for a change, for himself – as 3 years ago.

It was all ok, not so great. I went through a lot this past year, great experiences, knowing who I am, and what I want, more than ever and now into some more decision making which is what is making me write this crappy post. This is not me, this is not what I want to be, writing my own philosophy. Though I want to write my book, my life - only because of who were around me, “t0t4| |nt3Rn4L R3F|3Ct|0n Of R34L|tY”.

*No Man ! When I watched Yes Man, I realized how far have I come from saying No, I was always the guy who would say No when he wants to say No, no fking formalities, that is one reason why so many people hate my guts so badly. In short, off the drinks, off the smoke (ok just a couple for a few more days). I don’t like saying “I won’t, I will never etc.” One should never say so. Yes Man reminded me of recalling that there is always an option.

Earlier I blamed ’staring at the fan’, it was then last night I wrote this in my head …

Peace Brother.

This comes from the bottom of my heart, overcoming all fears.

The weather here in Hyderabad in June certainly does a ‘in your face’ to that of Switzerland, Bahamas and Bangalore-everday-at-6-in-the-evening. Cool breeze starts at around 5:45 in the evening triggering an event of multiple-somany smses/missed-call from GH to OBH/NBH (we are still investigating a couple of cases of nasty/dirty-language missed calls exchanged within OBH).

This great USP apart from all the satellite glory the college received followed by a fictional piece attracts super-duper-interns to the campus. “Voila ! its that time of the year to take a little trip down south or not so south, IIIT-H. Yipee lets catch that internship and make the summer worthwhile. Tu na apni wo bakwas wali top rakh lena, aur tu apni jhand wali jeans mat bhoolna”

Well so we have our own in-house development of couples which is bottlenecked due to lack of fairer sex and during this beautiful time of the year, when interns arrive in pairs and certainly in most cases with a third wheel, campus turns into one of those “children parks in delhi” full of “chad gaya upar re, love birds’, radiating the feeling of “dil garden garden ho gaya” !

The only issue is, I would some day poop my pants when I hear something out of the vaccum, AGAIN. Good God, how bad is the choice of spots you people pick. How bloody bad. Folks, please use  a map or I believe if you check out Google Earth you may as well find the campus marked with all the PMCs, “Piya Milan Chowks”.

Couples, we all knew that the campus will be crowded with all kinds of people in summer, and that is why we give you the brand new skeleton of the new main-building to be used, yes, all for you, only if they cud have got the walls done, I would have shouted from the top of the same building “get a room u two or three, whatever suits you”. BTW do not be bothered with those “No Trespassing, Building under construction” signs, ignore it just like the people who are using it as a parking lot do.

I am not complaining, I was just scared beyond repair. Firstly the freaking suicidal frogs jump right under your feet, spilling the hot hot tea over your hands + you looking like a fool. In a scenario like this, on an empty road, at 9:30ish post dinner, the next thing which happens is the sound of giggling from somewhere so close, I might have as well stepped on their toes but couldn’t see. (I am sure some smart ass must be thinking : Sale pyaar andha hota hai ya dekhne wale andhe ho jate hai).

IIIT has a g33ky reputation to be maintained, chances are people will be fresh as a daisy at 9:30 in the evening, shuttling b/w labs and coffee shop. Please avoid thinking the roads adjacent to faculty quarters, will be deserted at such an early hour. Chances are you might as well run into one of the faculty who might not be able to get any sleep and would prefer surfing youtube at his office, which is only unblocked during late hours ( or is it not blocked for the faculty X-( ).

You know what, we love you guys more than you do to each other. You are a heritage to the campus. I am sincerely sorry if I hurt your feelings. Please take it in the right spirit, or may I say right spots.

PS : I am totally expecting one of those ‘you-are-so-jealous-and-frustrated’ comment, so please don’t disappoint me.

right there …. right at the end of the cliff, where the winds are strong and the desires are not …

life is awwkay, abstaining* complex like those double and triple integrals in first year at 9 in the abstaining morning. but it will all be fine soon, just like i nailed Maths-1 with a D and Maths-2 with C-, life is no big deal.

just turned down a weekend party @jayaramk’s, that’s not me !

its been like ~200 days ! turned 25 (nice treat far away from hyd), dilli trip (the cold and the hots), got a dell xps, multiple tries by @appi101 for me to blog, multiple-so-many tries by @mythalez for me to join a PhD program (yes NOW will be a good time to flame him on twitter, spreading the bloody germs) …

new blog policies : no pics, no lyrics, no movie-reviews, one post on front page, no crappy long sidebar, no tag posts, posts not longer than 404 words, 55-fictions, 110-reality … got bored, recession edition of home

@mythalez @appi101 give me some tips on blogging, not kidding ! BTW screw you both for blogging while I tried to kill the whole blogging era thingy ! abstainers

* decided not to fk around on my blog, hence %s/fk/abstain

it would be nice to blog everyday, as WELL as Seth Godin (may be just 10% as awesome), short and delightful to read …just a thought for you mere mortals out there !

Hate me for being late at this too. My post for Blogger’s day

I just woke up, yesterday I woke up at 6 in the evening and my back is fked up since then. You want irony, my Rs. 2K mattress arrived yesterday from Reliance mart :(, it still hurts. So a smart mouth who I am, I got following for you.

For one God damn post can’t you assume your dear frnd is in Alaska, Yes its still 30th in Alaska for another half an hour or so. Call it lame, it still holds.

I don’t blog anymore, I complain about it. I am sure there are great posts by people from yesterday ( still to look at them ) but following are my $0.02 about it all.

The thing with blogging is unlike going to gym or practicing dance, because when you take up those things either you do it or not do it, writing is a gray area. I don’t see people coming to basketball court just to get some count up. Ok I think we are deep into the post and I can get harsh now.

The deal is, yes, me, smr, rama et. al. don’t blog frequently, or not as frequent as when we started to do it, but may be now our life and the passion for writing down feelings between HTML tags is not so compelling to us as against when we were budding students/geeks/lovers/artists just like you folks are now. Of course people have blogged all there life and nothing changes, I am not saying its not possible but more importantly may be we don’t want to.

I like the way blogroll has matured so much ( thanks to smr ), number of people who took up writing stuff, building websites but you should understand one thing, quality always speaks over quantity. Please don’t take me wrong here and jump to conclusions, those who blog less blog better, becos thats not wat I want to convey. Say for e.g. if IV writes everyday ( as if thats possible ) do you think he can come up with such wonderful wonderful work. Please try to make an asset out of your writing, think and write.

I wish everyone a great first Blogger’s day at IIIT. k33p.blogging. The time is rolling and Alaska is no different. Its cold and chilly out here, I wish its the same in India.

I miss blogging

skp

Rules ::

1. Link the person(s) who tagged you - Himank I am gonna kill you
2. Mention the rules on your blog - Who the hell made these rules anyways …
3. Tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours - yeah finee !
4. Tag 6 following bloggers by linking them - I tag the whole freaking world
5. Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged - Since I tagged everyone, I will link to the internet here

So you just need my 6 quirks, there you go

1. Its not easy to find out what I like / who I am, because most of the time I lie. Yes, I am a liar for most of the time. Hence, the only way to know me is to spend time with me. ( So, now are you going to trust the following ? )

2. I love back of the envelope calculations. No matter how far I would end up from the answer or how less I know about the topic, I love arguing and thinking over the argument.

3. Tidiness. I just like things in place say at the work table or room or in mind.

Basss bassss…… ab aur nahiiiiiiiiiii … ek to power cut upar se ye extreme-self-realization-effort wala post…..

I can’t think !

adios

PS :: I was going to write the actual “Next Post” but Himank asked me to do this otherwise he was not sending me music of “Rock On”. So kick his ass !

PS 1 : Why the fuck so many power-cuts, this gives me a feel of back home in M.P.

PS 2 :: Ok, no more tagging me, or I will flame you on twitter, ff and may be buy a domain saying “yournameisdumbass.info”

skp